In her book Real Happiness, Sharon Salzburg has a meditation around emotions. Starting with noting the tone of our thoughts or the feeling tone in the mind – does it feel calm? is it harsh? Noting it for example, “jealousy, jealousy”. Then location the emotion in the body, perhaps a knot in the stomach, the shoulders hunching up. Consciously resting in awareness, gently allowing emotions and feelings to be here as they are. Observe and not getting stuck in judging – “what am I feeling right now? What is its nature? Where am I experiencing it in my body?” Emotions come and go and the heart can infinitely heal if we allow it.
Poem from The Sun And Her Flowers, by Rupi Kaur
what is strongerĀ than the human heart which shatters over and overĀ and still lives
In her book Real Happiness, Sharon Salzburg writes Michelangelo was once asked how he would carve an elephant, and he replied “I would take a large piece of stone and take away everything that was not the elephant”. Cultivating attention is something like recognising what is not the elephant – letting go of what is not essential, not helpful. So we let go of what is distracting especially those that kill our wellbeing chewing on it. In daily life, it could mean saying no to what sucks up our energy with no helpful outcomes so that we can spend time on what will grow us.
Growth, Madison Greene
how could I love myself and hate the memories that have molded me? my roots are planted deep beneath the earth but petal by petal I am growing making peace with my past it hurts to stretch this much but I have learned that I was made for more than just unraveling and look at how far Iāve come, at how much Iāve survived Iāve learned to love my dark parts even if no one else will Iāve learned how to walk fearlessly through the fires I face even if they burn me
The practice of being intimate with oneself, our emotions and sensations, basically living, instead of residing in the head. Allowing each moment to unfold as it is. No need to judge, reason, and distract ourselves.
Self-Knowledge, by Kahlil Gibran (extract)
Say not, āI have found the truth,ā but rather, āI have found a truth.āĀ Ā Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.ā Say rather, āI have met the soul walking upon my path.ā For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
Using appreciation or gratitude of the smallest thing, from the moment right now to the things that went well today, helps us stay present and less anxious about the future.
Count Your Blessings, William Henry Dawson
Itās strange but true that common things, Ā Ā Ā Ā Like sunshine, rain and snow, The happy little bird that sings, Ā Ā Ā Ā The fragrant flowers that grow; The meals with which weāre blessed each day, Ā Ā Ā Ā The sweet sleep of the night, The friends who ever with us stay, Ā Ā Ā Ā The shadows and the light, The tender care of mother dear, Ā Ā Ā Ā The kiss of loving wife, The baby prattle that we hearĀ āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā The best things in our lifeĀ ā Are not loved by us half so well Ā Ā Ā Ā As things that seem more rare. For instance some old, broken bell, Ā Ā Ā Ā Or stone picked up somewhere; An ancient coin with unknown date, Ā Ā Ā Ā An arrow head of stone, Or piece of broken armor plate Ā Ā Ā Ā Worn by some one unknown. Exclusive ownership we crave, Ā Ā Ā Ā No matter what the prize ā True from the cradle to the grave, Ā Ā Ā Ā Of foolish and of wise. Oh, selfish mortal, donāt you know Ā Ā Ā Ā āTwould better be, by far, If you would train your love to grow Ā Ā Ā Ā Among the things that are Just common to your daily life? Ā Ā Ā Ā Youāve blessings by the score, Then why engage in constant strife Ā Ā Ā Ā For more, and more, and more?
For the next few weeks, we will follow Sharon Salzberg’s book Real Happiness. So starting off with the classic meditation practice of deepening concentration by using the focus on the in and out breath. Whatever experiences that may arise, such as unpleasantness that may cause us to want to avoid, pleasantness that cause us to crave more, or neutral that we tend to ignore, we just let it be and return to the breath. The mind will wander to our to-do lists and storylines, we simply return to the breath.
Breathing (extract), by Thich Naht Hanh
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower. I am the freshness of a dewdrop. Breathing out, my eyes have become flowers. Please look at me. I am looking with the eyes of love.
Breathing in, I have become space without boundaries. I have no plans left. I have no luggage. Breathing out, I am the moon that is sailing through the sky of utmost emptiness. I am freedom.
When a strong feeling comes up, it will often be accompanied by a strong habitual pattern, writes Pema Chodron in her book How To Meditate. The pattern may be justification, defence, a story of avoidance or pleasure. The invitation is to wake up from this habitual pattern to dissolve the hold emotions have over us. It is done by breathing with the emotion, not labelling it as bad or good. So go to our experience and feel it directly with the breath rather than launching into a conceptual strategy of avoidance or reaction. If you just go to the breath without experiencing the emotion as well, this can be repressing emotions. So choosing not to act out by speaking, acting or dong. Neither choosing not to repress. We are simply watching and breathing with the emotion.
Breathe, by Timothy
My breath is my anchor I return there for peace Uninvited emotions Yet together they meet A chest wide disruption An intensifying beat Until a grateful exhale Kicks them out on the street
In this practice, emotions become the object. In Pema Chodron’s book “How To Meditate”, she says when you’re meditating, notice when you’re hooked, when you’re triggered or activated. The first step is acknowledging emotion has arisen. Then dropping the story line (the judgments that appear in the mind) and lean in, connect in with spaciousness and opened to the emotion.
She calls this the pause practice, taking timeout for yourself. Completely toughing in to the emotion, without the story, leaning in to the quality and texture of the experience. How does sadness feel? How does the anger feel? Where is it in your body? She writes that emotion itself is a radical and very potent way of awakening.
We may tend to turn away from emotions due to the accompanying judgments and aversion. Here is an invitation to turn toward the emotions instead of keeping the unwelcome ones buried. Or else they’d continue to eat into us.
Evening, by Charles Simic
The snail gives off stillness. The weed is blessed. At the end of a long day The man finds joy, the water peace.
Let all be simple. Let all stand still Without a final direction. That which brings you into the world To take you away at death Is one and the same; The shadow long and pointy Is its church.
At night some understand what the grass says. The grass knows a word or two. It is not much. It repeats the same word Again and again, but not too loudly.
The mind’s function is to think. That is its nature, just like the body is to breathe, the heart to pump blood. Pema Chodron in her book “How To Meditate” writes that the motivation behind meditation (contrary to myths) is not to get rid of thoughts but to train the mind to reclaim its natural capacity to stay present and awake or wakeful. To remain steady. Rather than drifting off leaving us vulnerable to rumination.
One way to call yourself back is to label the activity and content as thinking, thinking. Judging, judging. And then returning to the breath.
Thanking a Monkey, by Kaveri Patel (fromĀ An Invitation)
Thereās a monkey in my mind swinging on a trapeze, reaching back to the past or leaning into the future, never standing still.
Sometimes I want to kill that monkey, shoot it square between the eyes so I wonāt have to think anymore or feel the pain of worry.
But today I thanked her and she jumped down straight into my lap, trapeze still swinging as we sat still.
Pema Chodron in her book “How To Meditate”, she writes about the importance of maintaining an atmosphere of unconditional friendliness or loving-kindness towards our practice. Instead of a somewhat aggressive meditation, filled with “I should’s”, the invitation is to discover who you are at your wisest, and who you are at your most confused. Meditation is intended to be a safe space to stay steadfastly with your sense of humanity and a wide range of emotions, sensations and impulses.
Pema writes, “unconditional friendliness is training being able to settle down with ourselves, just as we are, without labelling our experience as “good” or “bad”. We don’t need to become too dramatic or despairing about what we see in ourselves.” It’d be easier to come back to the present moment.
You could sit, and the mind is going wild or worried about something, yet you could still touch in to a settledness that you could feel with the mind, body and life. Being with the continuous succession of experiences in life, agreeable and disagreeable, with an open spirit, open heart and open mind, that’s what we are cultivating when we sit.
One essential ingredient in meditation is the attitude we bring to the practice. The word “attitude” could trigger some discomfort if we’ve heard it often, something our parents and bosses say to us, go fix your attitude. In the context of mindfulness meditation, attitude is something kind and gentle.
In this practice, the attitude we invite is one of keep coming back, inspired by a chapter in Pema Chodron’s book “How to Meditate”. Keep coming back to say the breath or a part of the body whenever the mind drifts off, usually down a rabbit hole of habitual thoughts, such as self-blame or blaming others or our circumstances. While it appears perfectly justifiable and valid to do so, we have to ask if this is helpful to our wellbeing and in breaking out of our suffering or finding a solution to our woes. So keep coming back is an invitation to disrupt our habitual thinking process and come back to the present moment, so that we could start to see situations with a fresh perspective, with unlimited possibilities, and with joy and equanimity.
In the arc of your mallet, by Rumi (extract)
Don’t go anywhere without me. Let nothing happen in the sky apart from me, or on the ground, in this world or that world, without my being in its happening. Vision, see nothing I don’t see. Language, say nothing. The way the night knows itself with the moon, be that with me. Be the rose nearest to the thorn that I am.
Adapted from Pema Chodron’s book “How To Meditate”, this is a practice of letting go using the breath. Starting with knowing, acknowledging you are breathing, then transitioning to feeling the sensations of breathing in and out, following the flow, just watching. Not needing to rush, nor breathe in any particular way. And if you have difficulties with breathing or with any prior breathing practices, as best as you can, just watching the breath. It may come across easy, gentle or may be unpleasant. As you are still sitting up, you are fine. As best as you can, staying with the practice, and allowing with care and kindness.
By focusing on the breath as the object of the meditation, noticing how impermanent each breath is. Coming, going, every changing, always flowing. As you are on it, developing the mind, training to mind to stay in present to the impermanence of things like thoughts, emotions, sights and sounds and physical sensations. Whenever the attention floats away, gently guiding it back to the breath.
Excerpt from Mary Oliver’s poem from In Blackwood Waters
To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it
against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
Scanning the body is one way to stay in the present moment. Here is a practice inspired by the Body Scan exercise in Pema Chodron’s book How To Meditate, and the poem below.
Will be referring to Pema Chodron’s book How to Meditate as a guide for Wednesday Pause mindfulness meditations in the next few months.
Here we start by stabilising the mind by settling, allowing yourself to be completely as you are, a sense of being here and what you are bringing along, touching in with the present moment as it is, not needing to cancel out any thoughts, feelings or sensations, or adding justifications and reasoning. What is here is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. Pema writes that the only thing you can measure your meditation against is the question: “Was I present or not?” Even if the mind drifted off, you are noticing and recognising that, you are being present or a sense of awareness of what is happening.
You are there, by Erica Jong
You are there. You have always been there. Even when you thought you were climbing you had already arrived. Even when you were breathing hard, you were at rest. Even then it was clear you were there.
Not in our nature to know what is journey and what arrival. Even if we knew we would not admit. Even if we lived we would think we were just germinating.
To live is to be uncertain. Certainty comes at the end.
Reading this book Don’t Quit Your Day Job by Aliza Knox, I learn to see resilience as a form of mental stamina. Not so nice things can happen to us. How we respond to them can further shape outcomes. So practicing mindfulness, staying in the present moment, instead of living in the past or future, is a way to cultivate mental stamina. Of course, it does not mean we should stop planning or reflect on possible future outcomes. Staying in the present moment is an invitation to find balance between the here and now and not getting obsessed about the past or being fixated about the future and getting upset when things do not go our way.
Nature has a way of teaching us how to accept the bad and good, as written by William Wordsworth in his poetry A Character.
I marvel how Nature could ever find space For so many strange contrasts in one human face: There’s thought and no thought, and there’s paleness and bloom And bustle and sluggishness, pleasure and gloom.
There’s weakness, and strength both redundant and vain; Such strength as, if ever affliction and pain Could pierce through a temper that’s soft to disease, Would be rational peaceāa philosopher’s ease.
There’s indifference, alike when he fails or succeeds, And attention full ten times as much as there needs; Pride where there’s no envy, there’s so much of joy; And mildness, and spirit both forward and coy.
There’s freedom, and sometimes a diffident stare Of shame scarcely seeming to know that she’s there, There’s virtue, the title it surely may claim, Yet wants heaven knows what to be worthy the name.
This picture from nature may seem to depart, Yet the Man would at once run away with your heart; And I for five centuries right gladly would be Such an odd such a kind happy creature as he.
Too often the mind glosses through moments, hurries towards the next item on the to-do list, or chooses to zone out, distracts itself by binging on movies. Here is an invitation to respond differently by pausing and experiencing each moment as it is – training the mind in steadiness.
Experiencing, Steven Cowling
Let me take the time to notice the breathing of a sleeping cat, the sun reflecting from a crow’s back, the sparkles in a field of snow.
Let me feel the pen glide across the page and listen to the scratching of the nib against the paper.
Let me savor the simple pleasures in sipping a cup of tea or reading a well-turned phrase.
May I never let the rush of daily life trap me in my mind where I cannot see the wonders in the world around me.
I hope you have found Session 1 to 9 helpful in developing more calmness and clarity. We end this program with Mindfulness of Gifts, a gratitude practice helping us stay anchored, helping us navigate the noise in our lives.
Even if the mind tends to go on an overdrive, and if it is difficult to stay focused on a particular part of the body, or it has been a difficult day, we can return to what we can be grateful for in our lives and use that to keep us steady and compassionate.
Transcript
In our final session of this 10-Week Program, we are acknowledging and being mindful of the feelings of gratitude.
Taking a breath.
Allowing the mind to be in the present moment, rather than getting lost in thoughts.
Feeling the breath, the body.
Noticing how you are sitting, standing or lying down.
(Pause)
While keeping the breath in awareness, begin by bringing to the mind a person you are grateful for.
So saying I am grateful for, or I am thankful towards
Acknowledging the feelings that arise as you visualise this person.
(Pause)
Next, bringing to mind a place you are grateful for or where you are most happy, for example in your warm bed.
Acknowledging the feelings that emerge as you visualise being in this place.
(Pause)
Now, bringing to mind an experience you are most grateful or where you were the most joyful, for example having a delicious meal in your favourite restaurant.
Allowing yourself to feel these feelings that arise as you visualise being in that experience.
(Pause)
Before we close this practice, noticing what are you most grateful for right this moment.
Perhaps itās the fact that youāve completed this 10-Week Program.
Perhaps itās the fresh, cool air around you.
Perhaps itās the fact that it is the weekend.
Immersing in this experience, feeling the moment.
(Pause)
I read you this poem A Gift, by Kathryn Starbuck.
Who is that creature
and who does he want?
Me, I trust. I do not
attempt to call out his
name for fear he will
tread on me. What do
you believe, he asks.
That we all want to be
alone, I reply, except when
we do not; that the world
was open to my sorrow
and ate most of it; that
today is a gift and I am
ready to receive you.
(Pause)
With this, we conclude this 10-Week Pause program. I hope you found it helpful. If you have not gone through some of the sessions, I would encourage you to do so.
Silence is golden, the saying goes. This session is a silent hour of cultivating the capacity to come back home to our being instead of constantly living on a treadmill, on our thoughts and judgements, and relying on external stimuli. Through this process, we are strengthening our muscle to remain calm and to have clarity in everyday life.Ā
The intention of this practice is not to achieve a certain state of mind but merely to just sit in the present moment, with guidance given at the beginning. To do this practice, find a place where you can sit comfortably and uninterrupted for an hour. You may wish to have a shawl or coat or socks on hand in case youāre feeling cold.
This practice is intended to be an hour long or sit as long as you wish, perhaps using an alarm clock to alert you when your intended duration is up.
Transcript
Session 9 is an hour of silence to come back home.
Choosing to sit in a place where you will not be interrupted for an hour.
Checking on the posture.
Spine upright as possible, while maintaining a soft front.
Gently breathing.
Letting the eyes close if you wish.
Bringing to bear what youāve cultivated from Session 1 to 8.
As best as you can, being in the here and now, in the present moment.
Whenever the mind wanders off to some ideas, conversations, opinions, images, with
care, noting where the mind has gone, and guiding the attention back to the breath.
Itās ok if the mind is very restless.
Itās ok if the mind loses focus.
Each time the mind drifts off, very gently, bringing it back to the breath.
Coming back to the center, coming back home.
(Pause)
Feeling the breath, focusing on the sensation of air flowing in and out of the nostrils.
The rise and fall of the abdomen wall.
(Pause)
Itās also normal to experience an itch or discomfort or even sleepiness, tiredness.
It can be distracting.
Each time this happens, very kindly acknowledging that and bringing the sense of focus back to the breath.
Signaling to the mind you are coming back home.
You may choose to sit still or adjust the posture to relieve any discomfort – doing it slowly and with intention.
And now we will sit in silence.
(Pause)
When you are ready to end this practice, taking a few breaths, letting the eyes open, and slowly taking in the surroundings.
As you get on with your day or evening, bringing this sense of mindfulness to the next few moments.
Thank you and see you in our final session, Week 10.
We practice de-centering by stepping out of mental events (thoughts), by breaking down our experiences (thoughts, emotions, body sensations), and seeing things directly or as they are, impersonal and impermanent, coming and going. By seeing thoughts as just thoughts, emotions as just that, we loosen their grip over us, we create space, and reduce the tendency to get caught up with automatic thinking patterns and unhelpful habitual actions which add to suffering.
Transcript
In Session 8, we are practicing de-centering by observing experiences as they are, without further judgement or needing to cancel out those moments.
(Pause)
Coming to sit, back as upright as possible, chest open, shoulders softening.
Letting the eyes close if you wish, or keeping them open.
Feeling the body, sensing the gravity that keeps the body grounded on the seat.
Feeling the contact points, bum on the seat, feet against the floor or mat, hands on the lap.
Saying, āThis is the body sitting on the floor.ā
āThis is the bum contacting the floor.ā
āThis is the present moment.ā
(Pause)
Acknowledging the breath coming into the nostrils, pausing, exhaling.
Feeling the chest, the belly at each inbreath, and release of the out-breath.
And saying to yourself, āThis is the breathā.
āThis is breathing.ā
(Pause)
While keeping the breath in awareness, tuning the attention to sounds around you.
Noticing how they come and go, changing, pausing.
āThis is sound. Just sound.ā
āComing, going, independent of us, not personal.ā
(Pause)
Turning toward ourselves, when thoughts are arising, noting them, noting where the mind is going.
Ever changing.
Then saying, āThis is a thought.ā
āThinking is happening.ā
āComing, going.ā
āIt is alright. Nothing more.ā
(Pause)
At any moment of the practice, you may feel fidgety, restless or sleepy, or peaceful.
Saying, āRestlessness is here.ā
āSleepiness is here.ā
āPeace is here.ā
āArising and disappearing, changing.ā
āNothing more and it is okay.ā
(Pause)
Perhaps there may be some sensations present.
Pulsating, tingling, lightness, or maybe heaviness.
Saying, āHeaviness is here.ā
Or āLightness and calm are here.ā
āThat is ok, sensations are just sensations, nothing more.ā
(Pause)
Now expanding the attention to sensing the body as a whole.
Saying, āThis is the body sitting here.ā
āThis is the present moment.ā
āNothing more.ā
(Pause)
I read this poem by Haiku master, Kobayashi Issa.
cherry blossoms scatterā snap! the buckās antlers come off
without regret they fall and scatterā¦ cherry blossoms
(Pause)
In closing this practice, when you are ready, letting the eyes open if they were closed, and taking in the space, gently.
And bringing this sense of de-centering to the next moment of the day or evening.
Distress is a form of energy that is draining, leading you down the path of driven-doing, exhaustion, also possibly avoidance and suppression to keep it together, and disengaging from life.
Stillness is a helpful practice of giving space between our being and that energy, not needing to expend more energy to counter it, thus reducing its grip over us.
Practicing Session 6 beforehand is a helpful foundation for this practice.
Transcript
Session 7, Stillness is about cultivating steadiness instead of reacting to every distraction and distress.
Finding a quiet and private place for this sitting practice.
Finding a position that feels comfortable for you.
Either sitting on a cushion, mat or on a chair.
Sitting with the back as upright as possible.
Hands resting on the knees or in your lap.
(Pause)
Letting the eyes to close.
Or softening the gaze to see a few feet in front of you.
Or keeping the eyes open, perhaps fixed on one spot that is pleasant.
(Pause)
Taking a deep breath, inhaling through the nostrils, exhaling out through them.
One more time.
Taking a deep breath in, pausing, then exhaling.
(Pause)
Now breathing normally, breathing in, pausing, breathing out.
(Pause)
While keeping breathing in awareness, guiding the mind to acknowledging the body.
Bringing awareness to the sensations in the body.
The feeling in the chest area, around the heart and lungs.
The movements in the belly as you are breathing.
Sensing the weight of the body, the pull of gravity.
The contact of the bum on the seat.
The sensations in the feet – tingling, warmth, coolness.
The contact of the feet on the floor.
(Pause)
While keeping the breath and body in awareness, tuning in to sound or sounds around you.
Just hearing them come and go.
Not needing to analyze them.
Just tuning to them like a passing phenomena.
If the mind is starting to get caught up with ideas about what youāre hearing, just bringing the attention back to sounds.
If itās only silence that youāre hearing, then just hearing the quality of silence as it is.
(Pause)
At any point, It is natural for the mind to start getting busy.
Maybe the mind is experiencing an avalanche of thoughts, images, non-stop, random, fast.
Taking a moment, acknowledging what is happening in the mind.
Treating thoughts like sounds coming, going.
Gently guiding the attention back to feeling the breathing and the weight of the body on the seat.
Bringing the mind back to the body for every single line of thought that comes through.
Not needing to analyze why these thoughts are here.
As best as you can, remaining still even if the mind is urgently calling you to do something.
This is an act of letting go of the power thoughts have over us.
As thoughts are just thoughts.
Not our truths. Not our identity. Not tangible.
As best as you can remaining still, letting the energy pass.
No further action needed.
(Pause)
Feelings may come along with thoughts.
Perhaps a wave of emotions.
Emotions of panic, anxiety, sadness, a sense of emptiness.
Sensations of heaviness, pain.
Taking a breath, acknowledging these feelings with gentleness and care.
As best as you can, bringing awareness to feelings that are arising, giving them space, without needing to judge them.
Treating emotions like sounds, coming, going.
Without needing to analyze why they are here.
As best as you can, remaining still, letting the wave energy come and go.
No further action needed.
(Pause)
If there is any particular part of the body that is experiencing strong sensations.
Perhaps acute pain, a throbbing one or tightness, or a blocked feeling.
To the best you can, taking a moment, bringing kind awareness to the sensation.
Taking a gentle deep breath, breathing in, breathing out into the spot of sensation.
Softening it with care.
Unlocking it.
Pausing.
Taking another gentle deep breath, breathing in, breathing out into the sensation.
Filling it with warmth and kindness.
Remaining as still as you can.
(Pause)
Now, taking a breath in.
Then just sitting here in stillness while letting whatever that is arising be as they are.
No further action needed.
(Pause)
Here is a poem by Octavio Paz, āBetween going and staying the day waversā.
Between going and staying the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.
All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can’t be touched.
Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.
Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.
The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.
I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.
The moment scatters.
Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.
A poem by Octavio Paz, āBetween going and staying the day waversā.
(Pause)
Practicing this meditation every day would help cultivate resilience and strengthen the capacity to deal with distress.
I would also encourage you to practice Session 1 to 6 as well to strengthen the foundation of mindfulness.
Kindermind Center 